Stardust Page 6

  He opened his mouth and then shut it, but quickly recovered. “I am sorry Jazz, I didn’t know.”

  I raised a hand to him. “Don’t be sorry, you had no idea. I just figured I would say something now so you don’t mention your brother or not liking him at the house. It is just something no one talks about. Ever.”

  “Well, I promise that I meant nothing by it and I wish you would have told me, Jazz.”

  I started walking again and the path turned, then turned again and finally we reached the center and a small stone. I leaned down and placed some violets I had pulled as we walked along in front of it. Cody stepped up and looked down on the stone and then at me. I rose up and grinned at him.

  “This is Bailey, Mom never prepped for a boy’s name, so my dad named him.”

  Cody nodded to me and then looked back at the stone. His eyes looked as if he may cry and I tilted my head and took his hand.

  “He was always sick, he was born with a broken heart…or so my mom said. He had a congenital heart defect that eventually killed him.”

  Cody leaned down and ran his fingers along the small stone and stood up next to me. He turned and spoke as if he had lost someone he knew.

  “When a child dies, it is such a sad thing that many times a parent never recovers from it, it causes trauma far exceeding anything else they will ever experience in their lives,” he paused. “I am sorry, that sounds so clinical, the truth is, it is a tragedy that never ends.”

  I nodded to him as he sniffed and then looked at the stone again.

  “I should have told you, Cody. It was unfair of me to just dump it on you like that as if you did something wrong. I am sorry, I am just not really myself right now.”

  He stepped closer to me and I looked down. His finger went under my chin and lifted it so I had to look into his eyes. “You don’t need to apologize, Jazz, you did nothing wrong.”

  I nodded to him. “When Mom tells us to visit the garden, she means we should visit him and say hello.” I glanced at the stone. Cody kept his eyes on me.

  “Do you remember him?” he asked as I turned my face back to look into his blue eyes.

  “He died when I was five, so all I remember is that we got a new baby, I never saw him much. He didn’t go outside and Mom spent all of her time with him. Dad seemed to work more and the house became quieter than usual. For the two years he was with us, it seemed like the life was just sucked out of the house and then I remember hearing Mom and Dad argue about where to bury him and then we had a funeral and he was placed here. Dad wanted him at home, Mom said he should be in the garden…obviously they disagreed, but she won, as usual, and so here he is...Bailey, my little brother I never knew.”

  Cody pulled me to him and at first, I wanted to simply step away, but as the warmth of his chest comforted me, I kind of sunk into him. He leaned down and his lips kissed the top of my head and then he whispered to me. “We are all stardust.” I stepped back and looked him over.

  “What?”

  “Stardust, I mean…we come from the stars…”

  “and to the stars we return,” I said as he tilted his head at me.

  “Yes.”

  “Where did you hear that?” I asked him as he messed with his hair and looked at me, his expression one of confusion.

  “I just remember it, it must have been something my parents said to me when I was little, or something.”

  I paused as he reached out to me and I took his hand again.

  “How about you give me a tour of the town?” he asked and I nodded to him, unable to speak and missing my dad even more.

  Chapter Six

  When It Rains

  One thing I always found strange is how you can leave something and never forget it. Never forget the details, the way it made you feel or how you missed it, without even knowing. I stood on Main Street and stared down the rows of shops on it. All of them I knew well. All of them owned by people in this town who also knew me. Knew me well, not just a name, like it is in New York City. The city is so large that, unless you take the time to collect and befriend other people, you could seriously live your life there without being familiar with anyone or anything. Stillcreek was not that way. The population had grown, even since I was little, but still, it was a town that thrives on a certain “feel”, you know what I mean. The kind of place that welcomes you, regardless of how long you have been gone. If you were born here, you would always be a part of it. I sighed as familiar faces walked along the sidewalks. Some of them from school and some parents of those I had gone to school with. I felt a squeeze at my hand and glanced at Cody, who, for a minute, I forgot was even standing next to me.

  “This is awesome,” he said to me as I grinned. I looked at the cobblestone street and the vintage buildings, nodding my head in agreement.

  “It is, just like a postcard.”

  “I can see why people would want to call this home.”

  I paused and thought about that for a minute and then the tears came. I could not help it. It was like a gate had been opened and I lost all sight of how to control it. I quickly walked towards an open alley and ran down it. Stopping along the brick wall as my hand momentarily rested on it. Then I turned and pressed my back against the cold brick and mortar as I stared up and watched the clouds going from white to gray. A storm was coming, a storm not only in the sky, but in my heart. I heard Cody call out to me as he ran down the alley towards me. He stopped and stared at me as I wiped my tears with the back of my hand. He shook his head very slowly as he stepped up to me. I sighed and then looked into his eyes.

  “What did I do wrong?” he asked me in a quiet tone.

  “I appreciate you doing all of this, but I can’t. I can’t do it. I can’t think about you and about my dad. I just, it is too much, and I am sorry, this is my fault…all of it! I should have said no to you when you offered to come here, I should have stopped you from feeling pity for me…” I laughed, I could not help it as I continued to wipe the warm tears from my skin. “I mean, this is crazy, all of it. I am here to bury my dad.” My voice cracked as I said the words out loud and they chipped away at my heart. I shook my head and clinched my fists. “And great…now I am drama, just like I said I would never be…awesome…I just…” I looked up at him, as he calmly listened to me. He said nothing and I didn’t know what he could say as I stood here having my first big meltdown in front of him. He reached out and placed a hand to my cheek and stared into my eyes. I stopped talking as I got lost in how he looked at me. His eyes spoke more than any words could possibly say. They were filled with compassion. His compassion was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was pure and his touch instantly calmed me down, making this entire thing one hundred times harder than it needed to be.

  “Jazz, calm down,” he said quietly as I sniffled. He let his thumb move across my cheek and wiped away a stray tear as my eyes remained locked onto his.

  “I’m a mess. You are right, I have panic attacks, I am insecure and probably the worst possible person in the world to get involved with. I don’t allow people to get near me, I push them off and then I ignore regretting it. I just do and I can’t…I don’t know why I am even telling you this shit! I mean, you have been nothing but amazing to me, I mean, just so amazing and I don’t want you to get hurt…I don’t, Cody, this is just….it is crazy, I am crazy…I am, I have lost my mind.”

  The thunder rolled above us as the first drops of rain started to come down. I was almost relieved when the first couple of drops hit my face and mingled with the tears. I looked at Cody as he stepped closer to me, the rain hitting his face, too, and then saturating his shirt. I pressed my back against the brick as he leaned into my face, his lips dripping with rain and he spoke to me without any harshness in his voice at all.

  “Do you think you are the only one, Jazz? I am a mess too. I mean, who willingly comes to a house full of grieving people? Does that sound normal to you?” he asked as he smiled and the rain dripped from his chin. I shook my head
‘no’ as he stared at my lips. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe…I needed you, just like you need me?”

  I swallowed hard as the rain dripped down my face. “I am not good for you, Cody.” I said to him as he reached down and slid his hand on my waist.

  He never took his eyes from my lips as he spoke to me, “Who said I was good for you, Jazz?”

  I looked up and closed my eyes as the rain ran down my face. It felt good, just as good as he did this close to me.

  “Well then, we should stop.” I whispered as he leaned against me and nodded to me.

  “I agree, we should, the only problem is… I can’t, I want you, now…”

  An unforgiving rain poured down on the two of us as the heavens opened up. He slowly took his shirt off in front of me, the heat from his body causing steam to rise as the cool droplets of rain made contact with his chest. He stepped towards me, then leaned into my ear. His lips grazed my skin and the chill ran down my neck and connected where it needed to. He parted his full lips as the rain gently ran over them, glistening and beautiful, taunting me. He spoke, his tone ever so calm, as his chest rose and fell in unison with my own.

  "Let me show you how I feel," he whispered, as I closed my eyes. His lips made contact with my skin and the small involuntary moan that was attached to it set my senses on fire. He took my hands in his own and pressed them above me against the brick wall. For a moment, we were locked in a gaze, but it soon gave way as passion overtook us and thunder rolled off in the distance. This was the storm that I had felt coming and trust me, I wanted it and I was ready.

  He leaned in and his lips pressed against my own. He lifted me up, as if I weighed nothing at all. My legs wrapped around his waist and he pressed me against the brick a bit harder. All I wanted to do was sink as deeply into him as I could. The rain continued to beat down on us as he rocked me back and forth against the wall. I moaned at his lips. I wound my fingers into his hair and pulled as he suddenly grinned. I did too, I could not help it.

  I was half out of breath as I tried to speak to him. “We should not be in an alley, I mean what if…”

  He kissed me again and turned, setting me down. We ran hand in hand down the alley and then we rounded the corner. We were now completely alone, no chance of being discovered unless someone happened to come out of a back door. I looked at him as the rain continued to beat down on him. His hair was partially in his eyes, his lips parted as I backed away from him and grinned. I slid my shirt off over my head and stood there in my black bra as the rain had my hair stuck to the sides of my face and washed away the tiny bit of make-up that I wore.

  He paused as he stared at my body. I didn’t feel self-conscious at all, in fact, I had never had anyone look at me the way that he did right then.

  “So beautiful,” he whispered as I sucked in my breath. He leaned in and the kisses turned into passion. He instantly moaned, a small noise that rose from the back of his throat. I moaned, too, as his tongue parted my lips and played inside of my mouth. I reached up with one hand and touched his bare chest, firm and warm, I took my other hand and reached down between us, I let my fingers trace above his belt line as his moaning got louder. I found his buckle and undid it as quickly as I could as his kisses got harder and I accepted them. I let my fingers undo his button and then slid his zipper down. My hand brushed against the front of his pants and I could feel him hard and aching behind the wet material of his jeans. I sighed at his lips as he reached up and slid his hand over my right breast, one small, intense squeeze and then he eased up as my hand rubbed against him. He whispered into my ear as I closed my eyes. His voice so sweet and sincere.

  “Are you sure, Jazz?” he said as he was half out of breath and I nodded to him as the rain washed over the two of us. He reached down and undid my pants, I slid them off without hesitation. He lifted me up and pressed me against the wall. I reached down and pulled his large cock out and guided him into my aching pussy as I hissed. My eyes closed as my mouth opened. He was larger than anyone I had ever been with before, but I welcomed it. He thrust forward as he buried his face into my shoulder and cried out my name. I gritted my teeth and dug my fingernails into his back. His muscles tensed up and turned me on even more. I opened my mouth as he continued to thrust upward. His mouth opening as his tongue came out and licked along the length of my neck. Then he stopped and bit into me, nothing to intense, but just enough to add to the pleasure of him being inside of me. I grabbed the back of his hair and jerked his head back as his mouth remained open and then kissed him with all of the passion that I had bottled up inside of myself for years. I gave him everything, even things I never let Jess have, or anyone I had met in NYC. He pulled his lips back from mine and slowed down. Cupping my face as he stared into my eyes.

  “Tell me when you are going to come, okay?” he said as his voice shook and I nodded to him, holding on as tightly as I could as he thrust upward again and again. I could feel the orgasm building in between my legs, bubbling up like a sleeping volcano and wanting to explode. I cried out as the first wave started to creep up my lower abdomen and play at my breasts. He leaned down and slipped my bra off of my left breast, his mouth sucking at my hardened nipple at first and then his teeth gently bit into me as I arched my back and rotated my hips against his own. He hissed and sucked at my nipple, his tongue racing in a circle and shooting waves of pleasure downward to meet up with the orgasm ready to fully release itself.

  “Cody….I am, I am going to come…” I said as my voice cracked and he started to thrust as hard as he could, he buried his tongue inside of my mouth as we both started to come together and I could feel his whole body tense up and he shook as did I. I had never felt anything as intense as this was. I could only hope it was as amazing for him as it was for me.

  He slowed as I tried to breathe, but breathing was so secondary. All I could think about was him and how he made me feel. I felt complete and I had never had that with anyone before. He stayed inside of me as he slowly rocked me back and forth. His breath quickened, as was my own. The rain continued to pour down on us. I looked up at the sky as he placed his head on my shoulder and held me close.

  Suddenly, the weight of it made me retreat as it always had before. The way he made me feel was not something I could handle right now. In fact, I didn’t know if I could ever handle it, the intensity was making my head spin and my heart ache.

  “Thank you,” I whispered to him as I lowered my head as he lifted his own. He stared into my eyes and then narrowed them.

  “It was a not a favor,” he said to me.

  “You don’t need to stay,” I said as he lowered me and I put my pants back on as he zipped and buttoned his up. I glanced at him a few times as I continued to get dressed.

  “I wanted to do this,” he said with conviction.

  “I think we both did, but it doesn’t have to mean anything. You are not obligated to stay, Cody. Like I said, thank you.”

  I looked him over and started to walk away as he stood there in the rain. He looked up and watched as the lightning raced across the sky. He closed his eyes as tears mingled with the rain on his cheeks, no one could tell that he was truly hurt, except for his own heart.

  Chapter Seven

  Charlie

  When I was little, I had a puppy. I had begged for one. Begged, and anyone who has been around children when they are hell bent on getting something, knows exactly how it can be. Children chip away at will and sanity when they really want to get something, and I wanted that puppy bad.

  I did the good grades, the chores…all of it. I worked really hard to convince my parents that I was mature enough to care for another being. So, after weeks of trying, crying, writing notes and resorting to begging…they gave in and I got him. I got Charlie.

  Charlie was a good dog, saved from the local pound, obviously dropped off in a litter and if I had any real skill I would have saved all five, but I didn’t know that saving Charlie was actually not the best thing that could h
ave happened for him. How could I? I was a kid.

  So we brought Charlie home and at first, it was awesome. He barked and played, won the family over with his big brown eyes and floppy tail. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me…which is something a child says when they have no real experience in life. I know this now, I didn’t then.

  Then one day, I got up and decided that Charlie and I would go on an adventure. I packed water and bologna sandwiches in my little backpack and I headed out early. I didn’t ask, I didn’t leave a note, I just left…and took him with me. I headed to the train station and there I decided to walk the tracks. I didn’t have any money so I couldn’t exactly take a train ride with Charlie. I just wanted to spend the day going farther than I had ever gone before. So, about an hour in, I had to stop and eat and I shared my food with Charlie and gave him water to make sure he was as good to go as I was. I talked to him about everything and I will never forget how he looked at me. His eyes wide as if he could understand every word and maybe he did, who knows, right?

  We continued on until we reached a bridge. It was old but sturdy and I stood there with Charlie by my side as we stared across it. I leaned up and looked at the water below. To a child, it was bigger than anything I had ever seen before. Charlie started to bark and I looked across the tracks as I saw a white rabbit standing there. Now Charlie was a hound, a beagle, and before I could stop him. he started to run across the tracks, over the bridge and towards that white rabbit. I called out to him but I had to set my fear aside and follow him as quickly as I could. The wood creaked under me as I picked up speed and then I heard it, the train whistle coming from in front of us. There was no way I could have known, one…I was a child and it did not occur to me, and two…the tracks curved and went into the side of a mountain that they had burrowed out for it.

  I stopped and called out to Charlie but he ignored me as his excitement to catch that rabbit was all that he could think about. I turned and started to run as I could hear the train getting louder behind me, it was barreling through the tunnel now and I knew it as the whistle echoed as if it was in a vacuum. I reached the end and jumped to the side into the tall grass as I looked back and saw Charlie standing there, wagging his tail and staring at me. I waved to him and called out, but the approaching train drowned me out. He turned just as the train hit the bridge and I buried my face in my hands as I could not watch. I was blown back into the tall grass as the train barreled by me. The force of it making it hard for me to stand up, but after it passed, I slowly stepped out and onto the train tracks to see a small body lying there, it was Charlie.