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“Tell me Brian, do you honestly get to the penetration or is it everything up until that moment and then you get robbed of it?” she said and I swallowed hard. I do get fucking robbed. I would say I have a terrible case of blue balls and if it does not end I will have to buy a prostitute. I looked myself over and then looked up as she walked towards me, her legs long…body curved in her high wasted black pencil skirt and white button down shirt tucked into it. She had a super thin red belt on, held onto by the tiny belt loops. Her breasts were not large but for what the breasts lacked in size her ass made up for, which happens to be my preference anyway. I think it is a beautiful combination. She stopped and had one leg out to the side, high black heel settled nicely in the dark wood floor. I looked up her leg, over her curvy hip and then watched her chest rise slightly and her heartbeat tapped at my brain as if I could hear it. I know that I can’t but this whole sleep thing has me going fucking crazy. Everything seems to be louder, like I have some superhero shit going on. She took a breath, I did too…I did not realize it until I let mine out as she did and it made me feel awkward.

  “I try,” I said under my breath and she watched me, licking her lips slightly.

  “Try what?” she said to me and I looked up at her again.

  “I try to fuck, but something always makes it stop and I get pulled back.”

  “Do you wake with a hard on?” she said as she glanced at my pants.

  “Yes, I feel like I am always hard.”

  She walked to me and kneeled down, spreading my legs apart, gentle and with purpose. I watched her and wanted so badly to touch her skin. She looks like a porcelain doll. Flawless and her eyes are so large and pretty. She glanced up at me as she touched my legs, and then let her hands move up my thighs and I sighed, my chest moving quicker as my heartbeat sped up. She undid my belt and then my button and had my pants open before I could say anything about it and come on! I am not going to anyway. She can do whatever the fuck she wants too to me. I am not saying a fucking thing.

  She pulled my cock out and stroked it once with her hand. She feels just as I had always imagined her. Soft and perfect. Something I could never keep. I am not soft, I break things constantly and even my own parents left me behind as I was told I was a handful when I was growing up. I did things. What these things were, are blurred in my mind but fire comes to mind…as in I started them A LOT. I could not help myself, I seemed to be drawn to it and for some reason, when I was five I burned our house to the ground convinced we had monsters in the closets. I know it was bullshit but…

  I opened my mouth and my breath was staggered as she placed her full lips to the tip of my dick and slid her mouth down it slowly. I let it all fill me up. Her attention was so needed and my cock ached for anything more than a tease at this point. I reached out, so afraid to touch her hair and wake up as I always do but as I slipped my fingers into it and nothing changed, but her sucking became more intense, I moaned. I could not help it, she is fucking incredible. She smells amazing, she looks amazing and she is doing shit to my dick that I could not even come up with in the best dream my insane mind could muster. Then she squeezed at the base of it as she sucked harder, adding in some moaning of her own causing a vibration to pulsate through me. I arched my back slightly and pushed my head back into the leather, looking up at her ceiling and having to control it all in my mind. My dick wanted to explode in her mouth and maybe I should, but that would be rude right? I mean I should fuck her, shit…this may be the only opportunity I get to do it. I looked down as her lips pulled back from it and I touched her chin then cupped her face, trying to say stop, but she got me. I mean sometimes there is this thing between men and women when you fuck that is just of no use for words, and it is then that you know the experience will be incredible. She leaned back and slid forward. I leaned into kiss her, but she turned her head slightly. I guess it should not bother me, I get it. She does not want anything that personal and to some, a kiss is just that. A personal thing that you do with those you really like. I reached down and picked her up, she straddled me as I stood and walked her to her desk and laid her down on her back as gently as I could. I know she does not want to kiss me but I still like her more than I should so I am not going to just flip her around like a ragdoll and leave marks and shit. I reached down, between her legs and slipped my fingers up her thigh, when I felt her lace panties I gently moved them aside and slid two fingers into her wet pussy. She was definitely turned the fuck on so it was not hard to do at all. She sucked in her breath as she unbuttoned her top and her bra became exposed. I reached up with one free hand and slid her lacy bra over her right nipple and let my fingers play with it, I stroked it as I pushed my fingers into her and then started to get into a rhythm where as I shoved my fingers in to play with her g-spot, I would give her nipple a squeeze and she appreciated it as her hips moved slightly and I would hear her heel hit the desk and make a low noise.

  “You better fuck me before it is over,” she whispered, and I narrowed my eyes and stroked my dick once, slipping it far up inside of her and waiting for a moment as I felt her pussy close in on me. So warm, so ready and so wet. She wanted me to fuck, not make love and shit and I have to stop acting like she will be offended if I just start doing exactly that.

  “Brian?” she asked me as I snapped out of it and realized I wasn’t moving at all. I slipped one hand under the small of her back and pulled back a bit and then thrust forward. She placed her hand to her mouth and bit onto her finger, which drives me crazy. She is so fucking hot, I have no idea how the hell I have not come already but I seem to be holding it together pretty well. I pushed forward again as I felt her thighs shudder a bit and knew I was doing something right. Normally women are very hard to bring to climax. It is a fucking game, not only in their heads but also with toys and all kinds of shit to get them to cum. I mean I don’t suck but I...

  “Ahhh, fuck.” I moaned as I gripped onto the edges of the desk and fucked her harder. She played with her nipples and arched her back, pulling her bra off of her breasts and exposing them both. I tried to control my excitement but fucking hell, she looks like a porn. I mean not that low budget herpes shit either, some high end $49.99 disk that just rocks your shit to the core and makes sex with people a problem for a minute while you expect it to be like that…well, she is and she is moving her hips up and down with me, making my cock shudder and want to come already. I gritted my teeth and felt myself sweating a bit as I grabbed at her legs and held then out to the sides, looking down to see my dick going in and out of her. I placed one of her legs on my shoulder and placed my thumb to her clit and started to move it slowly as I fucked her. She cried out and started to move her hips with more intensity as I felt it coming. I knew it would not be long for me and she has to cum, she just has too. I fucked her harder and harder and she became louder and louder as her legs tightened up as well as her pussy around my dick and she arched her back, screaming my name as felt her pussy clamp down on my dick and come harder than any women I had ever felt come on me before. I tried to hold out as long as I could as she suddenly flipped around. With her round ass up high, she placed her mouth to my dick and pushed it all the way back into her throat. I reached up and grabbed her ass, slipping my fingers into her wet pussy all swollen from orgasm and she sucked as hard as she could, forcing me to come into her mouth as she swallowed every bit of me…

  ****

  I sat in my car, a fucking train wreck of an asshole. When done, she had stood up, said not one fucking word to me, fixed her clothing, walked to her chair and barely paid attention to me as I put my pants back on and tried to catch my breath. She then wrote out a prescription for a new sleep aid and handed it to me. I took it as my hands shook; they are still shaking now as I try to place my key into the ignition. I stopped and sat back, shaking my head and glancing up at her building. She was in her window looking down on me but her shadow moved back as I looked too long up at her. This is so fucking typical of me. I become attached to anything that has no need for m
e. I always do and it always fucks me up. This is not a relationship, that was just sex and that is it but damn…it was fucking excellent, in fact that was the best sex I had ever had and of course it was with someone who won’t even kiss me. Great.

  I pulled back and a car honked at me as I hunched my shoulders. Noise…fuck it. Everything is so loud and getting louder every day. I know I mentioned it but I don’t think you know exactly how painful it is to have everything that would normally be just background noise all up in your shit. It’s enough to...

  “Oh my fucking god!” I screamed as a huge thud hit my car and damn near lifted the back of my car off of the ground. I stared out my window at a body, not large but it had hit my car with such force you would have thought it was a thousand pounds of weight. Then I saw a shaking hand, petite…reach up and scribble on my windshield in blood…

  AVA

  I stumbled out of my car, my heartbeat racing so fast in my chest I swear I thought it would explode and then I stood there in complete shock as Maeva lay across my hood, blood splattered out from each side of her in the weirdest pattern I had ever seen. She rolled from the car, dead to the world as blood trickled from her mouth and then I could see it plain as day. Two patterns…that of wings, consisting of blood clearly on my car, but it can’t be. I mean what the fuck?

  ****

  I sat at my desk as if being there would make things normal. Nothing is. I mean that whole thing was not normal. I had spent time talking to a detective and then I was able to go. I am certain I am a suspect, I mean how can I not be and my dumb ass left out things like “I am, I mean was her patient” and “Oh! I had just fucked her sideways on her desk and shit.”

  I leaned forward and cupped my hands on my hot coffee cup and then looked up as the door dinged and Kelli entered with that fucking detective with her. I slumped down slightly and started to fuck with my keyboard just as she reached my area and so did the detective. I looked up and grinned like an asshole.

  “Brian, could you join me in my office please?”

  I looked at her and then to him. I am so fucked here.

  “Sure…ah, yeah I uhh…” I stood up and knocked my coffee all over the desk and under the computer. Kelli watched me as if I was just a fumbling douchebag and I am right this moment. I mean what the fuck do I say? Obviously this guy knows, he knows. Fuck.

  “Leave it Brian,” Kelli said and I looked up at her as I tried to catch coffee with my hands.

  “But I…”

  “Seriously Brian, just come with me,” she added and with that she started to walk, the detective watched me a bit too closely. Like studying me or maybe I am just being paranoid and shit. I stepped out of my cubicle and the detective stood behind me like it was some movie where I would suddenly try to run and I will tell you, it does not sound like a bad idea right now. I get it now, in the movies I mean when people run and shit. I should, I mean, if I do. Where the fuck do I go? The detective cleared his throat behind me and I took a breath and glanced at him.

  “After you, Mr. Brenna.”

  I swallowed. “Mr. Brenna” sounded bad. I prefer Brian. I mean, I always will, a “Mr.” in front of anything means one of two things…you either don’t know them or you are in trouble.

  I walked, I had no choice and my co-workers watched us as we continued on until we reached Kelli’s door. She stood at it, waiting, then she slid her keycard and it opened up to a small silver room. I stepped in feeling like death was all around me then she shut the door, placed her hand on the wall and light appeared under it. It said hello to her…the room I mean as in A.I. computer high tech kinda shit and then we started to move upward. I never knew she was higher than us, I mean maybe I should have assumed that the door was not just to her office but to the room to get to her office. I felt so uncomfortable knowing I was not anywhere close to any doors to run to. This is probably her only means up or down to her office and now I am in it with nowhere to go. The room stopped and she slid her keycard once again and opened the door up to a large room that I had seen before in my fucking dreams. In fact every detail was the same down to the large glass panels showing off the outside deck and waterfall. I felt sick to my stomach, as deja vu seemed to overwhelm me. The detective looked at me and narrowed his eyes.

  “You look pale.”

  I looked to him and rubbed my neck trying to play it off.

  “No, no I think maybe lunch was messed up, sushi,” I said and he watched me and then waved a hand to the chair and I took his cue as Kelli walked to her desk and sat down, instantly fiddling with her framed pictures and what not. I watched her out of sheer panic and not any true curiosity.

  “So, Mr. Brenna.”

  I cleared my throat and looked down at my hands.

  “Brian,” I said and he sat down next to me in the other oversized black leather chair, which dwarfed us both and made us look like children. I glanced at Kelli as she set a picture down and then leaned back in her chair, looking from me to the detective who was all about me and nothing else.

  “Brian…I will tell you I am a bit shocked you came to work. I went to your house first and when I could not find you there I came here. Do you always work regardless of what happens to you?”

  I swallowed and looked at him.

  “Work is important to me, I mean I am important to this company, we do big things here.”

  The detective pulled out a cigarette and Kelli cleared her throat.

  “I am sorry, I don’t allow that.”

  “Oh,” he said as he grinned at her and put it away.

  “So, I get it. I mean I have to work regardless but I expected you to be at home after the incident this afternoon.”

  I eyed Kelli who watched me closely, he had obviously told her and now what? I look like a heartless prick for coming to work. Truth was I had not eaten like I said but I already said that and sushi no less. Rude.

  “I won’t lie, I am upset but work helps me.”

  “So Maeva, she tried to help you right?”

  I glanced at Kelli again who looked like she was watching a movie play on the Television and I guess humans always do this. We tend to just be so enthralled with drama it is pathetic.

  “Maeva was a friend to me,” I said and Kelli stood up and walked around her desk. She leaned back a bit and gripped it with her pale fingers and watched me.

  “I did not know you were in therapy, Brian.”

  I looked up at her and felt my eye twitch slightly.

  “I have not been able to sleep much and she was helping me.”

  The detective laughed under his breath and I looked down as Kelli looked to him.

  “Sleep deprivation is a terrible thing to have to deal with, Detective,” she said, sounding so caring for once. Perhaps she is, I mean we never talk really…no real need to. I was hired before her father placed her in this division and her arrival was quick and painless, as the man who held the position before her said nothing on the way out. Work is not a place for friends anyway, I would assume, it would cause shit so I don’t, except for Ted who is more of a partner in trying to get laid than anything. He has never been to my house nor I his.

  “It is, thank you.” I said as she looked to me.

  “Well, you did not sleep today did you Brian?” he asked me and I looked to him and narrowed my eyes.

  “I went for a regular session as I do once a week now.”

  “That much?” Kelli asked as she reached out and touched my shoulder and I looked up to her. She looked so nice today, as in like someone I could know and trust.

  “Yes, once a week for a year now.”

  “I had no idea Brian, I am sorry.”

  “No need to be Miss,” The detective said and she stepped back, leaning on the edge of her desk again looking a bit irritated with him.

  “Your disregard for one of my employees is apparent and a bit disheartening, Detective.”

  “Miss, I hate to be the one to be so crude but Brian here was in her.”

  “
What?” she said and I leaned back, here we fucking go.

  “Well, autopsy results showed a bit of your boy here, in her stomach.”

  “I don’t…I mean.” Then she paused and covered her mouth a bit and stepped around her desk and sat back down, placing the large thing between us all as a barrier again.

  “She came onto me,” I said as it was truth but who would believe that now?

  “You were sleeping with her?”

  The detective laughed and tapped me on shoulder, harder than needed like a pal or some shit.

  “No sleep, none. In fact maybe she was why he wasn’t sleeping at all.”

  I stood up and turned to him.

  “Listen, I had been going to her for a year and nothing happened until today, she got all, and I just let her, and next thing I knew, she swallowed,” I said and Kelli took a breath and watched me, re-crossing her legs under her desk.

  “Well, she swallowed, you left, and then she dropped on your car.”

  “What?” Kelli said as she stood up and looked at him and then at me.

  “Yes, Miss. Maeva…or should I say Mrs., as she was married it seems, sucked him off, no offence…” he glanced at Kelli who looked ill, “ and then he left. Next she swan dives out of her window.” He looked at me and raised an eyebrow like I fuck horribly or something, “ and hits the hood of his car, dying soon after.”

  “Oh my god, Brian, why are you working?” she asked me and suddenly I had to ask myself the same thing. I mean I should be at home. Better yet, I should have told this detective everything when he questioned me at the scene but now I look guilty or at least freakish as if I had something to do with it and I most certainly did not.

  “I just, it was crazy. She attacked my dick,” I said, not helping myself at all. The Detective laughed at me.

  “Attacked it like an animal?” he asked me.

  “Yes, I guess you could say that I mean one moment I am answering her shrink questions and the next she is grabbing my dick and sucking, it really was like that.”

  The detective looked at Kelli who was watching me in disbelief as anyone would I guess.