The Gold Crown Read online

  We rode in the car towards home not saying a single word to each other. I had nothing else to say to him, I had given him everything, all of me and more. Then I heard my phone beep and I pulled it up, glancing at the message and grinning to myself. I could not help it, it was Mani. In the midst of everything he was like an island that I owned, far away from everything that pained me.

  “Can we take a detour?” I asked the driver as Ryan looked at me. He tapped on the glass and the driver looked in the rearview mirror and lowered the barricade between us. Ryan looked back at me and waited.

  “Downtown, 5 and Park,” I said and the driver nodded as the glass went back up. Ryan pulled out a glass from the built in bar inside the car. He poured some scotch into it. He then slammed it back quickly pouring one more shot.

  “So this is what we are doing now Beth?” he asked me and I shook my head and tried to ignore him.

  He laughed under his breath and watched me as I stared out the window. He drank his second shot and considered a third as I turned to look at him.

  “I will never leave,” I said and he laughed again, only this time it sounded sarcastic. This reminded me of the old Ryan, one I was used too.

  “You left me years ago Beth, it is a ghost that remains.”

  “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” I asked him and he poured another shot and watched the scotch slowly move in the glass. He then stood up, hunched over and joined me on my side, he handed me the glass and I stared at it. I sniffed the scotch as he watched me. He leaned his shoulder against me as I took a small sip and then another.

  “Mmm,” I said as he raised an eyebrow and took the glass from me. He then reached up and touched my face as he turned towards me. I glanced up as the Driver ignored us as usual.

  “Ryan,” I said quietly as his fingers moved against my cheek ever so slowly. I closed my eyes as I tried to ignore how he makes me feel, how he has always made me feel regardless of history and hatred. He leaned in and I felt his lip press against mine, soft at first and then with a bit more aggression as he adjusted on the leather to be closer to me. He reached down and turned me to him as I was not going to do it myself. His lips left mine but his face remained close to my own. With my eyes closed I whispered to him.

  “I hate how you make me feel.”

  He watched my lips.

  “I hate how you make me feel.” He repeated to me and with that he kissed me again as if he was trying to erase any hope I would ever have of being with someone new, having something worth more than this, deeper than this…

  He scooted towards me, still holding my face with one hand and slipping his free hand around my waist, jerking me forward as I made a small noise at his lips. He moaned in response to me as his kiss became deeper, searching for something of value, the past perhaps…a Beth who once loved him more than anything else in the world and had faith in him. I reached up and grabbed his hair, pulling it as my fingers wound up tightly and he hissed at my lips, his eyes remaining closed and his body tensing up. I then kissed him, with a will of making him suffer, making his body ache for me as I had for years as he took advantage of staff just a room away from me. He did that to us, he made this what it is. He had cheated and blackened my heart and all I had left in me was the love for the boys. The love I had to learn to navigate. A love never really shown to me but something so pure it had to be a gift. So funny that after all of the money and lavish things my father had showered me with, that it was love and being able to truly understand its power that I valued the most.

  The car stopped and I pulled my lips from his and he opened his eyes. I watched him closely as he sat before me. I knew what it meant to him, I could see it written all over his face and yet the old Beth, the one who knew that the bridge had burned without hope of rebuilding, met him with an army of cold resolve.

  “I will not be home tonight, find company,” I said as the door opened up and I stepped out as he leaned to look at me.

  “You are joking,” he said as he smiled and I grinned at him as I closed the door and walked away. I cannot say it was compassionate but it certainly felt good and I will not apologize for it. I glanced back as the car pulled off and I let Ryan feel as I had for so many years, alone and wanting something he cannot have again.

  Chapter Three

  Ruby and Regret

  I sat in the back of the auditorium as Mani spoke so clearly and concisely on things. He had been speaking to crowds long before he met me and only recently had I been made aware of the fact that he did this at all. It seems he is an expert in his field, and although I had never really asked him everything that he did, I could only assume it included placing very bad people behind bars. Mani no longer worked for the FBI as normal agents do, but he had been elevated to a status that no one talked about, sort of like the Special Forces in the military. Seeing I had so much to hide from my past, being with him was like playing Russian roulette and it caused me to become addicted to it, or better yet, addicted to him. I would assume my mother would be proud of me that I traded in my addiction to prescription drugs for one of a man, or the idea of him anyway. Did I truly believe that Mani is my future? Not so much, I mean I can pretend as much as anyone can. I consider this more of a role-playing game. I play the distraught female and Mani plays the hero. I mean all stories need one right? At least that is what the critics claim to be true.

  He finished up, as students who seemed so enthusiastic about seeing him, asked him their final questions of the day. I tapped a cigarette on my silver case and then noticed the ‘no smoking’ sign and set it aside as I watched him standing up there looking so…delicious. I swear he becomes more attractive each day and I cannot help myself. I know that after everything happened I should just break this off with him and I do appreciate his patience as he sees I am still living with Ryan. I also know that the conversation about me wearing my wedding band should come up someday, but until then I will keep my ruby and regret.

  He smiled as he spotted me in the back and then cleared his throat.

  “I am afraid that is all I have time for today.” He said as he grinned at me and took his glasses off. I shook my head slightly and he left them on as I find them beyond sexy. He nodded to the students as they all started to get up, muttering to each other. A couple groups of girls giggled as they were obviously more enamored with him than with his knowledge. I stood up and walked towards them, making them part like the red sea itself as they looked me over. I don’t give a fuck. I still have traces of bitch in me, something they would need years to master. I stopped as Mani stepped out from his podium and looked me over. I took my hat off and let my hair down as he sighed.

  “Black looks good on you, almost as good as white.”

  I looked down and knew I had switched completely. In fact I had replaced all of my clothing in my closet with black and thrown everything else away. I hated it now, all of the white and reminder of my Mother. Even though I know my fate it does not mean I have to wear it on the outside. I looked up at him and grinned as my hair fell into my face.

  He stepped down and stopped just a couple of feet in front of me as his eyes wandered down my body and landed on my shoes, tall, shiny and black. He sighed and let his eyes return to mine.

  “Do you have an idea of what you would like to do tonight?” he asked me and I bit my lip as my eyes wandered to his cock and settled there. He cleared his throat as he stepped up to me and leaned into my ear.

  “How about we go out to eat and then some dancing?” he said and I nodded as I reached out and let my hand press against his pants, feeling a slight bulge beneath the material. I grinned and leaned up into his ear.

  “As long as I can suck you off I am fine with whatever you have planned,” I whispered as he stepped back. A girl had returned and ran to her seat and grabbed her purse as she looked at the two of us.

  “I really enjoyed your class today, Mr. Lucius,” she said and I looked down and then back at her as she glanced at me as girls do. I could feel her jea
lousy, so to speak, I mean as a woman you can always tell. I smiled as I normally do when I am feeling as if someone is challenging me and she placed her purse on her shoulder.

  “It’s a knock off,” I said to her as she glanced at her bag. “You can tell, the stitching is atrocious, I can see it from here.” I added.

  She stopped for a moment and then left us, not saying a word about it. I turned back to Mani as he looked me over.

  “She is 21.”

  “And?” I added as Mani laughed at me.

  “Lucius is roman for “light.” I said as he stepped up and touched my face.

  “I only see you,” he said and I smiled.

  “Two Etruscan kings of early Rome had your name as well as several prominent Romans, including Lucius Annaeus Seneca (known simply as Seneca).”

  “Mmm really?” he asked me as he kissed my neck and his lips felt warm and needy.

  “He was a statesman, philosopher, orator and tragedian. The name is mentioned briefly in the New Testament belonging to a Christian in Antioch.

  “Are you trying to seduce me?” he asked and I smiled.

  “It was also taken by three popes, including the 3rd-century Saint Lucius. Despite this, the name was not regularly used in the Christian world until after the Renaissance.”

  He smiled at me.

  “Thank you for the lesson.”

  I smiled back. “You are not the only one who knows things Mani.”

  “Again, I only see you.” He added as he leaned in and I stopped him from kissing me as I started to talk again.

  “And I only see light,” I said. With that he pulled me to him and kissed me as he often does, without holding back and with a twinge of desperation. I feel it as I do all of him. He lives in me now and regardless of how it will end I will cherish him always and what he has given to me.

  ****

  We made out like two teenagers in the back of the cab as the driver tried to ignore us, but I would assume it would be hard. Mani’s lips traced my neck and his hand slid up my thigh as I lifted it and let him devour me and all of my senses. I need this; I need him to be as passionate as he can be with me. The passion I had longed for and had been denied for over a decade made this much sweeter that I could have ever hoped it to be. The car stopped and Mani looked at the driver and then out the window. I ran my hand through his hair as he grinned and kissed me quickly.

  “We are here.”

  “I am not hungry,” I whispered. He paused and looked me over.

  “You need to eat Beth, I swear you have lost another 10 pounds since…” he trailed off as I slipped from him and sighed. I paused and then ignored the awful reminder of it all.

  “I didn’t mean...” he started to say and I looked at him and smiled.

  “Let’s eat,” I said as he opened his door and stood up. He reached in and I took his hand as he pulled me out of the car. I looked up at the sign and smiled. I knew this place all too well as Ryan and I had come more than once and so long ago. Of course the waiter who “serviced” us was gone but the memory remained.

  “I love this place.” I said and he wrapped his arm around my waist and led me in as Ryan sat just down the street in our car and watched us. He leaned up and tapped on the window and our driver lowered it.

  “I am going in; give me an hour or so,” he said as he slipped out and the driver shut the car off and pulled a magazine to bide his time. Ryan walked down the sidewalk as he held his phone to his ear. He stopped as the voice sounded tired on the other end.

  “Meet me at Bella’s, 20 minutes is fine, no longer,” he said and he waited as he grinned.

  “Now, not later…hurry the fuck up,” he added as he hung up and walked to the cigar shop next to Bella Biachi Restaurant , simply nicknamed “BB” by anyone who frequented it. He walked in, happy to smell the aroma and to be greeted like a friend.

  “Mr. Blackwood!” the clerk said as he stepped from behind the counter and extended a hand to him. Ryan shook his hand and looked around the shop.

  “Do you have anything new, imported?” he asked and the clerk smiled.

  “Follow me,” he said as he walked towards the back and unlocked a door. It opened to a small room with nothing but a man in a chair manning it. Ryan eyed the man as he looked large and ready to handle any situation that may occur. The man adjusted on his chair as he read his magazine and Ryan saw the gun strapped to his shoulder inside his jacket. The man stared at him for a moment and Ryan turned his eyes towards the clerk and the large black door. The clerk walked to it and pulled another key and unlocked it. He stepped through as Ryan followed him into another room; he stopped as he watched a woman walk by them without anything on and he grinned. She reached out and touched his face and he turned to watch her walk away.

  “She is a fucking bitch,” the clerk said and Ryan laughed.

  “What woman isn’t?” he asked as the clerk continued to walk until he reached an elaborate couch with a women lying on it. A man’s face was buried in between her thighs. The women grinned up at Ryan and waved him over. He leaned down and glanced at the man eating her out as she seemed to be simply amused by it. She touched his face as he leaned in and she kissed him slowly, parting his lips with her tongue, he backed up and pulled a small plastic bag from his mouth and gripped it tightly in his hand.

  “Opium is a mistress you must treat with the utmost respect,” she said quietly in a French accent as Ryan nodded to her. He held up money and she glanced to the large silver bowl on the table, he tossed it in, it floated amongst a ton of money, some for this new drug he found himself in need of and some from her patrons of sexual desire. Ryan knelt down and she took his hand. The man at her clit quickened his pace. She moaned as she stared into Ryan’s eyes and he tried to ignore the hardening of his cock in his pants, but it was damn near impossible. She loosened her grip on him and the man at her clit rose up and stared at Ryan and then let his eyes linger down him.

  “He is a master of pleasure. Stay and let him please you Ryan,” she said as Ryan sighed and started to stand up. The man reached up and cupped his cock in his hand through his pants causing Ryan to stop moving.

  “I really only came for this,” he said as the bag felt hot in his palm.

  “It costs you nothing but time,” she added and Ryan looked down as the man undid his pants and pulled his cock out, licking the tip of it slowly as Ryan moaned at the back of his throat.

  “I have a date in 20 minutes.”

  “I will be done in 10,” the man said as he slid Ryan’s cock to the back of his throat and let his tongue race along the shaft. Ryan let his head fall back as the woman stood up behind him and started to undo his shirt. She slid her hands inside and found his nipples, squeezing them with just enough pressure to cause Ryan to move slightly, almost stumbling as the man sucked at his cock. She continued to send small waves of pain through him, squeezing his nipples just as the man sucked on his cock, increasing pressure as if they worked as one.

  She pulled him back with her to the large couch and pushed him down, straddling him and sliding his cock up into her. She rested for a moment and then started to rotate her hips slowly, the other man stood up, walking up behind her and pushing her forward. He then slipped his erect cock into her ass and Ryan could feel it pressing against his own as he fucked her from behind and made her grind harder against his own. She leaned in and bit his lip as her fingers intertwined with his. She pulled his arms up above his head and held them there. His eyes rolled as the three of them started to move in a perfect union. She suddenly stopped and slid off of him, lying down as Ryan rolled on top of her and felt her hand wrap tightly around his cock, leading him into her already wet and vibrating pussy. He pulled her legs up to his side and pressed himself deep into her as the other man sat down behind him and sighed as he felt the tip of his cock at his own ass. The man placed a hand on Ryan’s throat and pulled his head back as he slid his cock deep into Ryan’s ass and Ryan opened his mouth, but no sound came out as he co
ntinued to fuck the women beneath him and the man behind him moaned and rotated his hips, burying his cock deep into Ryan. Ryan’s cock twitched as an orgasm started to rock through his body, first consuming his abdomen and then making every muscle fire up in his body. He cried out as the man came into his ass and he came into the women’s pussy. She smiled as sweat poured from her chest and rolled down her stomach. Ryan then collapsed onto her as the man behind him fucked him a few more times as his own orgasm subsided. He then pulled back and Ryan stood up, not paying attention to being grateful as he was not so much grateful, as fulfilled.

  “I have to go,” he said as he pulled his pants up and zipped them. He then grabbed his opium, which had fallen onto the floor and the man who had fucked him leaned back on the couch and stroked his cock.

  “I would not object to a bit more.”

  Ryan shook his head and hurried out as he was determined to get to Bella’s and was just a bit aggravated with himself that he had once again allowed his strong sexual need to delay him.

  Chapter Four

  Remote

  I sat still as Mani ran his fingers along my thigh under the table. I sighed and let the edge of the glass roll on my bottom lip. He watched my mouth and then stared into my eyes as I grinned at him and set my glass down onto the table.

  “You drive me crazy,” he whispered as I glanced at the waiter walking towards us. I raised my hand and then pointed to my glass and the waiter nodded.

  “Do you need another drink?” I asked him and he pulled his hand from my thigh and leaned back.

  “Sure,” he said as he glanced at the waiter too. I pointed to Mani’s glass and the waiter was off to replenish our drinks of choice this evening. Mani always drinks Gin and tonics and I normally let Vodka have me. It doesn’t matter what I mix Vodka with as long as it is in there. Mani then sighed and I looked at him. I took all of him in. He is a very handsome man. I placed my hand on my chin and rested it there as I watched the low light play off of his beautiful features, intoxicating me as usual.